My satirical writings

Article for The Sanctuary, March 2009

Russia and the USA to build a Luna Park together

Star Wars

The satellite collision, which took place on 12th February 2009, marked a new twist in the long and complex common history of Russia and the United States. The accident brought about an unexpected change in the foreign policies and future plans of both superpowers. President Obama saw an opportunity to forever change the image of Russian-American relations. He could not hide his emotions during the specially organised press conference as he announced: “the collision made us realize that it is finally the time to stop the mutual mistrust and competition among us and our Eastern friends. America should and will from now on cooperate with Russia. The time of a big change is coming for all.”

The Button of Love

On Monday the heads of the two countries revealed the nature of the cooperation. Russia and the USA plan to build a super Luna Park together. As a symbolic sign of mutual affection the representatives of both countries pressed together the Button of Love. Russian public opinion is very enthusiastic about the idea of park. “We love it. Russians and Americans were always brothers. It is unfortunate that history turned us into foes but hopefully we will be able to become good friends again” told The Sanctuary one Moscow citizen. “Americans are really tired of being scared of Russians all the time. We are happy to hear that they are not as evil as we imagined and that we can even have some fun together. I’m sure people will be reluctant at first to visit the park, but as soon as they learn that they won’t have to become communists to ride the coasters the park will become a big, international hit” commented Richard Fun, American entertainment minister.
The location of the park is yet to be agreed on, but among the possibilities is an island on Somalian waters, proposed as an additional thrill to the park attractions.

Attractions

“The main idea of the park it to offer visitors a unique experience, truly Russian-American themes and a thrilling day they will remember for long” told The Sanctuary the spokesman of the project. “Our Luna Park will offer the best rides and the most amazing attractions that people can’t even imagine” added a Russian representative. Among the rides whose plans were released during the conference is a huge ‘Oby’s Mirrors’ corridor, where anyone who ever wished to look like Obama will have a change to grow big ears, and also world tallest coaster of 345 meters called ‘Michelle O’. This ride already causes excitement even among the youngest children: “I can’t wait to score Michelle!” told us Pasha, “It’s going to be so exciting!.” Other main attractions of the site will include ‘ The Guantanamo experience’ – an exceptional ride, which incorporates both the excitedness of a water ride with the unpredictability of a coaster and thrills of a horror house. In addition ‘The Guantanamo’ guarantees each visitor a free picture that they can take home. However, the most awaiting attraction is the so-called “Russian educational centre” which will include a game room and a fun house and will teach the younger visitors how to make interesting poisons. With additional charge, young chemists will be able to take a sample home.

Feel-good experience

For all those who complain about the current state of economy and the dangers that war on terror is bringing about, the mutual cooperation of Russia and the United States of America is a proof that even in the hardest times people can and do come together to share their heritage and simply forget about a stressful world at least for a while. The feel-good Luna Park is a courageous attempt to show the world how to have fun even during the worst periods of history. The opening of the park is planned for year 2019.

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